a gathering place for all the poor souls out there with nothing better to do
Welcome ladies and gentlemen, losers and outcasts, freaks and Santa Claus, to Planet Boredom. You have stumbled upon a website where you are almost guaranteed to find a more pathetic person than you. So, grab a Dew, make yourself comfortable, and stay awhile.
This first section is dedicated to answering the age-old question:
What is boredom?
The condition of being bored or uninterested; ennui
Going through the AOL Member Directory and looking up Mitch's for the sole purpose of iming them and typing, "Mitch Mitch bo bitch banananana fo fitch me mi mo mitch, Mitch".
Driving to Blockbuster three times in the same night only to get home and watch a movie we already owned.
Dan's Definition of Ultimate Boredom:
Staying online 'till 7 in the morning talking to some kid who isn't really talking anymore....my eyes closing...and me mumbling...."just let me go to bed...."
Staying up till 4 in the morning after everyone on your buddy list has gone to bed watching re-runs of vampire movies till I fall asleep in front of the TV. Leaving the computer on AOL hoping to hear the ring of your buddy list.
When a computer-bearing patron uses their CD-ROM Encyclopedia
to access the Pakistani National Anthem (and records it for their
Anonymous Addict's Definition (I won't name names...Becca):
Staring at a screen where no one is talking; looking at your finger and thinking "I think picking my nose may be more exciting."
Boiling frozen peas, putting them in the fridge for a few hours, than watching them explode in the microwave.
Being the only one on a chat line and carrying out a full
conversation...still being entertained!
Staring at a computer screen with your brothers glasses on trying to see what you're typing and what other people are typing while repeatedly saying "Bob will rule the world, while Bloopy the clown exclaims hooter-bee" and listening to some alt band that you have completely blanked out on the name and will never remember.
Being so bored you repeatedly look through every book you own for another word for "thesaurus".
The excruciating lack of anything that starts at the base of your spine, spreads up your back and explodes out of your mouth causing you to run from your dorm room screaming...
"MY ONLY FRIEND IS MY 486, AND EVEN IT HATES ME!"
then collapsing on the lawn and waiting for your roommate to come home from his great night out.
When even the prospect of watching beverly hills 90210 seems utterly exciting.
Actually reading this freakin list... and laughing.... during the middle of the day.
When I'm actually looking up boredom, sitting in front of the computer screen, thinking about how I just accepted a job to earn money that I don't really need, and thinking about how I have to work tonight, from 5-9, serving weirdos at a checkout superbudget store named ACTION. And thinking about the comic stores of the world and wishing I was in one right now, drawing, learning from Stan Lee.........*sigh* Woe is me...........maybe I'll go outside and burn some ants...
When you can't get to sleep, so you find yourself going through all of your pockets, gathering all of the lintballs, and arranging them by size and color.
Sitting alone with my Christmas lights flashing on-off-on-off-on-off-on-off... in my bedroom....playin' some Jamiroquai... probably "Space Cowboy"...wishing I had bought that dime bag offered to me earlier that day, but to bored to be bothered finding money to get it.... anxious to see Jamiroquai LIVE again... feeling down...moody... depressed... seeing colours... and Ike from South Park stops by to say 'howdy'...I can see him through the window.... don't leave me Ike!!!! *Aaaaaugh*!
Sitting in front of my house which is on a busy street and figuring out the ratios of cars to trucks to vans to buses. And, if I'm really bored, thinking up government conspiracies.
Taking a 1.5 hour walk in the 103 degree heat because driving would be too fast!
Going through last week's e-mail trying to analyse why you said what, and why they said what and what it really means anyway. Staring at the ceiling in the hope that at any moment you will be teleported to a more interesting reality.
Being in the desert and actually trying count, seperate and name each and every pebble of sand. When you realize you cant count that high (let's say after 10 or so) you put your head in the sand and see how long you can hold your breath.
Typing "Type your definition here." over and over again till you can't even feel your brain oozing out your ears because it hasn't been used in so long...
When you watch CSPAN with great interest. Or when you watch CSPAN and take notes. Or when you set your vcr to tape CSPAN while you watch Firing Line on CNN. I don't want to miss one congressional vote damnit!
Banana Girl's Definition:
Feeling my mind numbing against all stimuli and being munched away at by tiny little aliens named Hal while kissing my pet cat and screaming, "Oh Tim, you really ought to shave."
Moving overseas to start an exciting job and finding out that the job is not very exciting, the people are not very exciting, they have no culture, speak a weird language, don't like foreigners and that there is not enough work to do to even keep me busy for half a day.
Boredom is being thrown into a deadly and excruciatingly long staring contest with your mousepad as you struggle to convey the nadir of your brain's activities: whether to scrape the "mystery crud" on the mouseball's tracks, or to stare out the window till the inevitable sunrise, due in five hours.
Listening to every song on every CD you can get your greedy little hands on and listening to them over and over until you memorize them all, and end up hitting your dad's James Taylor section.
Listening to my inarticulate music appreciation teacher ramble on about music in the renaissance period for an hour, while i'm fantisizing about screaming,"FIRE! FIRE!", just to get some expression out of the guy.
Running around my backyard in the middle of the night nude, because I've just never done it before.
Sitting up at 3 in the morning listing ways to spend your next ten paychecks.
When the definition of supreme excitement is sitting in a wretchedly ugly orange chair without legs, memorizing the program listings on the prevue channel while playing Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy on guitar (at every conceivable volume and tempo) until your fingers bleed.
Babysitting from directly after school until 4:00am. You get so desperate for something to do that you figure out how to work your employers 45 player, throw in some KC and the Sunshine Band and devise a dance only fit for someone who has a severe mental illness.
Sitting here in front of the infernal machine listening to the low hum of the harddrive.. spinning.. like the generator of the ultimate boredom machine.. your eyes becoming dry staring at the screen reading the text scroll by not interested in anything any body says but you must know.. you find a thumb tack at your desk. you poke it into thinks.. your shoe, your Mountain Dew bottle, then the band of your watch.. still watching the horrible text creep up the screen your soul screaming "I need a Rubics Cube!!!!!!!"
Getting so excited when the phone rings that you fall all over yourself to get it and it was not even for you.
Staying out on on the town at 9 o clock at night, making a scavenger hunt for your friends which includes buying a pack of condoms, getting a guy to sign your stomach and buying a pack of cigarettes only to realize that they're using you to get accessories for their next date.
Naming each individual mosquito bite you've gotten from jogging in the wee hours of rainy mornings, and then holding in depth conversations with all of them, save for the one on your ankle, whom you've decided to shun.
Another Jamie's Definition:
Sitting in my room with the door wide open just hoping someone walks by and asks me what I'm doing so I can show them there actually is a "Planet Boredom" web page.
Lying on your bed staring at the ceiling trying to find pictures and/or words in the ceiling putty. - AND - Making yourself go to sleep because as far as I know I've never been bored in my dreams.
You, after coming home from a three week stay over yoga meditation camp where you did nothing but sit by yourself in a dark room in an excruciatingly painful position, eating an occasional banana, come home to find the you are the only one at home, all your friends out of town by complete chance. You spend 34 consecutive hours listening to fifteen year old editions of "Casey's Top 40," while sitting in a grade school desk,commercials and all, and after hearing an old glam rock song, you decide to ride the city bus until you have the opportunity to ask an elderly person which brand of adult diapers they prefer, hoping against all cosmic force that they answer Depends, simply so you can reply, "Depends on WHAT?" and chuckle inaudibly, inside your sleep deprived mind for a few painfully brief moments.
Going back and doing all the homework from that Speech class you dropped three weeks ago 'cause, hey, it could help when you take the class again next semester and, you know, these worksheets are kind of fun anyway.
Drawing faces on your fingers, giving each finger an identity and then improvising "humourous" situations for the fingers in their lives. For example "One day Mr Little Finger realised that he had run out of milk and so had to visit Mrs Middle Finger who always has plenty of milk." I've transcribed over one thousands of my finger-related ramblings and an currently sending them off to TV networks in the hope of making a low-budget puppet program.
Noe Slide's Definition:
Watching WWF wrestling at work and thinking, "Wow, this is real!"
Fresia Ruski's Definition:
When you ask yourself ridiculous questions and then cannot sleep until you have worked out the answer (e.g. When you choke a smurf, what colour does it turn?)
When even the prospect of smiling tires you out. Or alternatively listen to your accounting teacher discussing the repo rate and you're thinking I wonder what she'd look like with a red nose and mustache.
(By the way what the hell is the repo rate??)
Johnny 5's Definition:
Writing plenty of definitions, trying to be guaranteed that one gets used.
Just for the record, Johnny 5 here sent the most definitions by any one person. I really can't be sure how many. They just keep on coming. If I added them all I'd have to add on an extra page to the site completely devoted to Johnny 5.
The only reason I haven't killed myself yet is because heaven or hell might be more boring. I had to add this guy's definition on because I was afraid of what he might do if I didn't.
Katie Mae's Definition:
Locking yourself in the closet and pretending to be flying a space shuttle. Then hopping out, turning off all the lights in your house, putting on a pair of yellow lensed sunglasses, and running around to try to find aliens, only to realize that they're all in your fridge.
Playing with your 5-year-old brother's Jumpstart 1st grade cd for hours on end. And for the remaining part of the day singing the theme song, "jump, jump, jump, start first grade, jump, jump, jump start 1st grade".....
Boredom is when you are stuck in class, and the only thing that you find even slightly amusing is the fly that managed to get it's leg caught in your teacher's shirt.
The high point of your day involves you trying to convince your cat that rubber toy mice have feelings too.
Monkeyman Jones' Definition:
Spending 45 minutes trying to think up a cool name to write with my definition of boredom.
Doug Hoffman's Definition:
When your attention span shrinks so much that you can't even concentrate enough to fall asleep in study hall.
Sitting in your room naming everything you own(including bodyparts and articles of clothing) because your friends Ayesha and Ssej said you were 'uncool' if you did not do so right away. But worse yet is actually trying to memorize the names.
Sending chain letters to 24 people because they say if you don't then you will die a slow and painful death even though in all of your spare time you made the chain letter yourself!
Honey Mouse's Definition:
Pushing your eyeballs around with your fingers into different directions while looking at the ceiling and making a "light show".
When nobody is online and you're too lazy to get up and watch TV or read a book so you read all of the people's profiles that you have on your buddy list (100).
Anthony Something-or-other's Definition:
When you end up assembling fleets of intergalactic battleships using staplers, hole punches, your mouse, pens, and any other office equipment that comes to hand and then re-enact "Star Wars" with them.
When you're so bored you listen to one song over and over and over again until not only can you sing every word in key, you know every break in the tape, know every break in the singer's voice, and you can go up an octive when singing, go from minor to major, and play it on a C instrument.
When you stay up until the infommercials come on TV so you can say, "Aw, reruns again!" or "This one's my favorite".
Poetic Soul's Definition:
It's when you go around talking to yourself and then remember that you have a chair that spins in the other room so you decide to go spin and talk to yourself. After spinning for about 10 minutes, you decide to try to get up and then proceed to fall on your butt because you can't tell where you're going and you're so dizzy you think you're gonna puke.
When the electricity goes out and you're sitting around your cardboard box staring at the other brain dead idiots you call your roomates while discussing the cool Miller Lite cans we dug through to get our box. Then realizing you have no roomates, only sympathetic cockroaches staring at you.
Martian Amanda's Definition:
Going to Burger King and ordering a milkshake without a cup and then complaining when I can't have "my way".
Sending the whole dialogue of "The Price is Right" to my friend via ICQ cause there's nothin better too do. du du da doo....I'm sorry...but you lost...You're gonna play Plinko!!
Two hours after pleading with my relatives to please take their children home so I can have an evening of peace, running to the telephone to call them up to see what they are doing and if they miss you.
Lisa's extremely long definition that she must have taken so long writing that I couldn't bear not to add it:
Talking to a hamster who is just sitting there, staring at me, and I'm thinking things like, "What is he thinking about me?" and "Does he like his cage?" and trying to figure out why he keeps staring at me. Looking at his cage and wishing you had a cage where you could play too... he looks so damn happy! Why can't I be happy like a hamster? And then I start telling him the story of my life until he falls asleep. Then I kiss him goodnight and go and start talking to my sister's imaginary friend, because mine already fell asleep or found someone less boring to talk to.
This is dangerous... what if someone does define boredom? Then we'll have nothing to do at all.
Calling your answering machine and leaving yourself a message in a funny accent, then listening to the message... then calling and leaving another message in a different accent until you have done all the accents that you know how to do.
Jenn and Heth's Definition:
Counting the little dots in ceiling tiles and then tracing around them in your mind.
When any type of social interaction seems appealing, even talking to great Aunt Opal at the family reunion while you massage her bunions. As revolting as her definition is, I so appreciated the effort she put forth to make her name unique that I felt it needed to be added
Queen Julie's Definition:
Sitting in Humanities Class counting those little holes in the ceiling, wondering why the stupid lights make that buzzing noise, and waiting for the guy that sits in front of you to say something funny, and when he does you lose count of the holes and you start all over again!
Looking up boredom on the internet and saying stupid words like "squish".
Chris (Oddity)'s Definition:
Counting the number of definitions on this site only to forget the number by the time I've filled in my e-mail address.
Seeing if it really is impossible to break into Buckingham Palace without getting caught.
Stephen Albert Tracy's Definition:
Sitting on the couch burning a candle so the hot wax falls into the palm of your hand and then making "little jungle animals" out of the wax.
Tara [Future Vice President of America (Vote for Neelix!)]'s Definition:
Trying to convince your younger brother that beansprouts are the fur of a rare and endangered Russian turtle.
Since you were obviously bored enough to read all of the above definitions, why don't you take a few minutes and send me your own. Be creative, and if I like it I'll add it to the collection. Make sure you use an original name, because I already have several repeats and there are only so many times that I can put "And yet another Jessica's Definition"